Emilie Rasmussen 4.17.2019

I have problems with eating, and it’s really not great. On the surface, what I am doing probably seems fine. When I go have lunch in between my classes, what I am eating seems perfectly reasonable and healthy.

But when I go home, I tend to overeat because of my anxiety—and on some weeks, because of the same anxiety, I forget or don’t have time to eat. My relationship with food feels strange to me. I’ve noticed that a lot of my friends and people I love feel the same way about their relationships with food—they feel strange, and they see these relationships as works in progress.

We overeat or we under-eat, or we think too much about what we are eating and how frequently, or we let ourselves grow hungry, and in the end, it hurts our bodies and how we feel about ourselves. How can we deal with this? I haven’t done all that much research on eating disorders, or abnormal eating patterns, but I am beginning to understand that everyone has their own story about food and eating.

I interviewed one of my closest friends, Javier Bocanegra, who is a Music Education student, and asked them what their relationship with eating is like.

“My relationship with eating habits tended to be complicated over the course of my life as a result of being bullied for being a larger child, not exactly fat, but rather bigger in size, resulting in self-consciousness in my adolescence, teen years and now from time to time, my adult life,” said Javier.

Javier continued: “However, as I grew older in my college life, I began to understand I needed to eat in order to support my body as a vegetarian and avoid collapsing from a long day, yet in order to feel confident about myself, I attempt to not overeat, progressively building a healthy relationship with how I eat.”

Either I overeat or I under-eat. Neither way is good for me.

I decided to log what I ate in the span of a week. These aren’t exact measurements, but they give you an idea as to what my eating habits consist of. I didn’t eat very much this week, and it wasn’t on purpose. Being busy and stressed pushed me into an unhealthy rut of waiting until very late at night to make myself a minimal amount of food.

Monday

• A cup of oats

• Tea

• Half of a strange taco—I was in a hurry so I fried tofu and chorizo and wrapped them up in a flour/corn tortilla. It was actually very good.

• Coffee (two cups, minus what I spilled onto my pants)

• Rice plus onions in curry (made probably around 9PM)

Tuesday

• Oats

• Tea

• Rice plus curry (the leftovers)

• A combination of lots of protein (I made tofu and chorizo and an egg and ate all of that in the same kind of tortillas. Plus spinach.)

• Lots of tea

Wednesday

• Oats

• Indian taco, 80% of it was consumed

• Strange ramen, full of sesame oil.

Thursday

• Almonds

• Half of a peanut butter and peach jam sandwich

• Tomato pasta!

Friday

• Vanilla yogurt with blackberries

• Tea

• Creamy tomato pasta!

• A veggie burger and fries!

Saturday

• Tea

• Flautas and beans and guacamole

• Pasta with pestoooo! And cream and mushrooms!!!!

• 4 Mozzarella sticks

• More Tea

Sunday

• A grilled cheese with onions and tomato soup

• Oats

• A grilled cheese sans onions and tomato soup, again!

Looking at this list of what foods have gone into my body feels weird, and makes me realize that I’m not exactly having three square meals a day. There are two solutions to this: either I need to focus more on eating small meals all day long, or I need to sit down and plan out how to somehow make breakfast, lunch, and dinner. It’s also important, I think, to remember, that I’m drinking four to five cups of tea a day…

I’d like to point out that this was also an off-week for me. I was busy with studying for my second calculus exam, doing homework for my engineering classes all week long, rehearsing for a theatrical show, and preparing for a student film project. Maybe it wasn’t that much, but I was also trying to sleep and go to class. Not eating very much fueled a cycle of continuously not eating much. I asked Javier how they feel about their relationship with food.

This is what they said: “My relationship with food reflects on how I feel at the moment and how I establish my (religious) beliefs. For example, I tend to eat very little food in moments I feel uncomfortable with my body that have little sweets or oils, yet I tend to eat more baked food with bread and cheeses when feeling more content.” Javier also explained that their eating habits are often affected by their depression and anxiety: “when my depression and/or anxiety settle in, it is hard to eat and I avoid all contact with food and at times water,” they told me.

I’m just starting to think about food more, and I’m waking up to how it affects my body as I work harder, make my own food, and spend more time outside of my home.

Emilie Rasmussen 4.17.2019

I have problems with eating, and it’s really not great. On the surface, what I am doing probably seems fine. When I go have lunch in between my classes, what I am eating seems perfectly reasonable and healthy.

But when I go home, I tend to overeat because of my anxiety—and on some weeks, because of the same anxiety, I forget or don’t have time to eat. My relationship with food feels strange to me. I’ve noticed that a lot of my friends and people I love feel the same way about their relationships with food—they feel strange, and they see these relationships as works in progress.

We overeat or we under-eat, or we think too much about what we are eating and how frequently, or we let ourselves grow hungry, and in the end, it hurts our bodies and how we feel about ourselves. How can we deal with this? I haven’t done all that much research on eating disorders, or abnormal eating patterns, but I am beginning to understand that everyone has their own story about food and eating.

I interviewed one of my closest friends, Javier Bocanegra, who is a Music Education student, and asked them what their relationship with eating is like.

“My relationship with eating habits tended to be complicated over the course of my life as a result of being bullied for being a larger child, not exactly fat, but rather bigger in size, resulting in self-consciousness in my adolescence, teen years and now from time to time, my adult life,” said Javier.

Javier continued: “However, as I grew older in my college life, I began to understand I needed to eat in order to support my body as a vegetarian and avoid collapsing from a long day, yet in order to feel confident about myself, I attempt to not overeat, progressively building a healthy relationship with how I eat.”

Either I overeat or I under-eat. Neither way is good for me.

I decided to log what I ate in the span of a week. These aren’t exact measurements, but they give you an idea as to what my eating habits consist of. I didn’t eat very much this week, and it wasn’t on purpose. Being busy and stressed pushed me into an unhealthy rut of waiting until very late at night to make myself a minimal amount of food.

Monday

• A cup of oats

• Tea

• Half of a strange taco—I was in a hurry so I fried tofu and chorizo and wrapped them up in a flour/corn tortilla. It was actually very good.

• Coffee (two cups, minus what I spilled onto my pants)

• Rice plus onions in curry (made probably around 9PM)

Tuesday

• Oats

• Tea

• Rice plus curry (the leftovers)

• A combination of lots of protein (I made tofu and chorizo and an egg and ate all of that in the same kind of tortillas. Plus spinach.)

• Lots of tea

Wednesday

• Oats

• Indian taco, 80% of it was consumed

• Strange ramen, full of sesame oil.

Thursday

• Almonds

• Half of a peanut butter and peach jam sandwich

• Tomato pasta!

Friday

• Vanilla yogurt with blackberries

• Tea

• Creamy tomato pasta!

• A veggie burger and fries!

Saturday

• Tea

• Flautas and beans and guacamole

• Pasta with pestoooo! And cream and mushrooms!!!!

• 4 Mozzarella sticks

• More Tea

Sunday

• A grilled cheese with onions and tomato soup

• Oats

• A grilled cheese sans onions and tomato soup, again!

Looking at this list of what foods have gone into my body feels weird, and makes me realize that I’m not exactly having three square meals a day. There are two solutions to this: either I need to focus more on eating small meals all day long, or I need to sit down and plan out how to somehow make breakfast, lunch, and dinner. It’s also important, I think, to remember, that I’m drinking four to five cups of tea a day…

I’d like to point out that this was also an off-week for me. I was busy with studying for my second calculus exam, doing homework for my engineering classes all week long, rehearsing for a theatrical show, and preparing for a student film project. Maybe it wasn’t that much, but I was also trying to sleep and go to class. Not eating very much fueled a cycle of continuously not eating much. I asked Javier how they feel about their relationship with food.

This is what they said: “My relationship with food reflects on how I feel at the moment and how I establish my (religious) beliefs. For example, I tend to eat very little food in moments I feel uncomfortable with my body that have little sweets or oils, yet I tend to eat more baked food with bread and cheeses when feeling more content.” Javier also explained that their eating habits are often affected by their depression and anxiety: “when my depression and/or anxiety settle in, it is hard to eat and I avoid all contact with food and at times water,” they told me.

I’m just starting to think about food more, and I’m waking up to how it affects my body as I work harder, make my own food, and spend more time outside of my home.